New love for the 'hood

I have to say, getting denied from the Santa Barbara job has really made me take another look at Crozet... you know what, I think I really like it here. Let me just tell you what fantastic neighbors I have. Last wednesday (a LOST night of course) my neighbor surprised me with a warm brownie and ice-cream! That's right! Does it get any better than that? It had been a particularly difficult afternoon and gregor wasn't getting home until late. I was moping in my bed watching TV when she surprised me... seriously, it made my entire week! Then, the next day, my other neighbor randomly brought over a dozen yellow roses. Someone had donated them where she worked and she thought I would like them (for no apparent reason at all!). They are still beautifully blooming on my kitchen table now. I love my neighbors, and I never though I'd say it, but I love living in this little 'hood. So either I have extremely nice and giving neighbors, or I was looking so depressed and haggard last week that the 'hood was joining in on my pity party and trying to pick me up... either way, they care! Thank you so much.

Disco Party

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Ahhhh...

Is this cute or what! Larkin found a way to soothe Brooke in the car. I love that it isn't my hand anymore.

2 going on 3 or 13?

Seriously, Larkin put this outfit together her self... now tell me... Does this look like a 2 year old about ready to turn 3? I think 13 is more like it! I'm so scared of her as a teenager! She's enough to handle as a toddler!

Selling the baby clothes

It's that time of year again... time to purge baby/kid stuff at our local consignment store (they have 2 sales a year for spring and fall for one week only). I love these sales. I make a little money and purge the clothes and gear. This year, however, it's a little sad. I went through all the 0-12 month clothes and picked out my favorites to share with soon to arrive cousin Isla (Brandon and Cat's little girl on the way) and other friends, then folded and sorted the rest to sell. I was almost in tears! I'm having that "I'm not going to have a baby this small again" sadness. I think I did that back in the fall also, so I guess I should be used it to by now, but I'm just not. There's no reason to hold onto all these clothes... it just makes me sad to really close the door on infants. Oh well, I'll just have to live vicariously through Cat's baby, one day Mollie's babies, and my friends' babies. It is definitely nice not to be waking up during the night anymore, and to be able to leave the house for more than 2 hours (no more nursing... yay).

2 rooms or Three?

Gregor and I are stuck in the debate of whether or not to convert our playroom into a third room. When I was pregnant with Brooke, we decided to move Hudson into the smaller room upstairs, and have Larkin and Brooke share the bigger bedroom. We also have a playroom (the room over the garage) where the majority of the toys are. The kids have very few toys in their rooms. I like the idea of the bedroom being a place for sleeping (or reading/mellow activities). However, when we moved Brooke into her crib (at about 4 months or so) we realized that there was no way that the girls were going to be able to share a room in the near future. Larkin got freaked out by Brooke crying. Brooke wasn't sleeping through the night, and their nap schedules were off. So, we moved Brooke's crib into the playroom "temporarily." Brooke is finally (almost) sleeping through the night now, but their nap schedules are still a little off. I really can't imaging them in the same room yet. Larkin likes her space and has a particular order for everything. She doesn't like the idea of Brooke moving in. I'm sure she would get used to it, but honestly, I don't want anything to mess with Larkin's sleep. She NEEDS it! The playroom is really cold in the winter and warm in the summer (bad insulation I guess and because it's over the garage). We put a space heater in there for Brooke at night because she doesn't keep her blanket over her. She space heater has make our power bill skyrocket. Anyhow, here the debate:

Do we:
1. Turn the playroom into Hudson's room to give each kid their own room.
We would lose the playroom and have to divide all the toys up between the rooms.
I like this option, because everyone would have their own space. Hudson can have a thicker blanket at night, so he won't be cold. We wouldn't have the crazy chaos of the playroom because the toys would be divided and more manageable. Larkin and Brooke can nap on their own schedules, etc...
I don't like this idea because we wouldn't have a common place to play and store toys. I don't want the kids to get possessive over the toys or their rooms. We really only have "communal" toys right now... so who would get the kitchen set, art easel, puzzles, or the train table? Also, their rooms are going to be a little more crazy with the toys. I don't like the idea of everyone playing in their own room at this point. I don't think anyone would do that anyway. It's nice right now in the winter to have one room where we can all hang out and play. I like the couch in there. What would be do on these cold days without that room??

2. Put Brooke and Larkin in the same room
I just don't see how this would work. I think it will freak out Larkin and her "order" and mess up every one's nap schedule. I like it theoretically, I like having the common playroom space, and limited toys in the room.

3. Just Keep Brooke in the Playroom for awhile.
okay, how long? then what?

Right now, I'm leaning toward giving everyone their own room. This could be because I want to move the rooms around and paint. I want to give the rooms a little decorating love. I feel like all the rooms have been in limbo since we've moved into this house. That said, on these cold winter days when we spend the whole afternoon in the playroom, I think I'm crazy to give that up.

Ahh, the never ending room debate continues...

Santa Barbara

Sadly, I found out today that I didn't get the faculty position at UC Santa Barbara. I really thought that I would at least get an interview considering I did pretty much all my research on the shores of Santa Barbara, I had great recommendations, and I've got a lot published. But, I guess I just wasn't what they were looking for. It's probably for the best. It would have been so hard to pack up everything, sell the house, find new schools for the kids, etc by July. I think it's just a blow to the ol' ego if anything. So, I may just hang up the professor dream for now, and head in a new direction. I'm not sure how I'm feeling about it really. I was so torn on this job. I guess I would have at least liked to get an interview. Oh well right. It all happens for a reason (I hope). In reality, I really want to just be home with Brooke for at least one more year. Maybe something even more ideal will come up this year.

Potty Mouth

Setting: Crazy Friday Morning. Hudson, Larkin, Brooke and I are trying to make it out of the house on time. The kids have Valentines Day Parties at school so we are hectically trying to get everything in the car.... bags of Valentines cards, Gracie (she has to go back to the vet), things to mail, hats and coats, lunch boxes... you know a typically nuts trip out to the car. Oma and Opa were coming to visit, so we were trying to keep the house in some sort of cleanish order.

As we are gathering by the door:

Kiki: Come one guys, let's get it together. Do you have your lunches? Do you have your coats? Do you have your valentines cards.

Hudson: Oooo Look a Lollipop!! As he digs into his bag and spills all the cards out of it.

Larkin: DAMMIT HUD! Now we are going to be late!

Kiki: (Rolling with laughter) Dammit is a grown-up word. You can't say it until you are 18.

Hudson: Why? What's dammit? Is dammit a bad word? Who can say dammit. (He literally said dammit about 20 times!)

Larkin: But mom, he made a mess. That's when we say Dammit.

Kiki: (still laughing... is left speechless)

Weening

For the last month, I've been trying to ween Brooke in preparation for our trip to Whistler in early March (4th to be exact!). This will be the first trip that Gregor and I have taken where I haven't been pregnant! Crazy, I know!! I was even pregnant on our honeymoon. So this is a big trip for us. My mom and Mikie are going to come and watch the kids. It will be my first night away from Brooke (and only my second trip away from Larkin).... it's going to be so weird to be kid-less! Anyhow, I'm trying to ween Brooke and we have been doing really well. We went from 5-6 nursing sessions during the day to only one in about a week. Excellent. I'm trying the don't offer, don't refuse method. This was all going well, until one day Brooke woke up one day and suddenly realized that she wasn't nursing anymore and really just got pissed about it! Now, she's waking up at night and only wanting to nurse. I'm talking full on frenzy for the boob... screaming and thrashing about until I finally cave and nurse her. I've pretty much lost all my milk now though, so not only is it a little uncomfortable to nurse her, she gets frustrated that there is no milk there. She's even extended this to meal times. She won't sit in her highchair for breakfast, lunch or dinner unless she nurses a little first. I can nurse her for literally two minutes and then she will sit and eat her food. This is obviously not for the milk, I think it's just an emotional connection. I don't know. It's really a little weird. The doctor did tell me she was a stubborn one... so maybe she's just voicing her opinion in the only way she knows how. We only have 2 weeks left though, so I'm hoping we can get it together. I think she is going to be fine without me here though. She really only seems to think about it when I'm here. The other thing is that I can't get her to drink milk. I've tried whole milk, chocolate milk, vanilla milk, very vanilla soy milk... she wants nothing to do with it. Water! That's all she wants. I'm sure we will work it out eventually. Hudson never drank milk (and still doesn't) and Larkin will only do the chocolate or vanilla. My kids are such funky eaters.

Anyhow, back to the weening. So I am trying to phase out these nightly battles. I decided that the best way to do this was to have Gregor wake up and comfort her so that she wouldn't be obsessed with nursing. Great idea right. Well, last night was his first night "on duty". He grumbled a little when I told him the plan, but he went with it. As luck would have it, Brooke slept through the night... that's right, he didn't have to wake up at all! He claims that he had a little talk with her before bedtime. I guess it worked. Now why didn't I think of doing that?

Deep down, I think Brooke senses that I'm just as sad as she is to give up nursing. I love it, I really do. I love the connection. I love how healthy it is for them, and how they are instantly soothed. Weening her feels like losing my baby (my last) to toddler-hood. It's time though, I know it is.

Gold Stars

I was talking to one of my friends the other day that has gone back to graduate school, and I realized that I really miss being in school. I miss buying my new notebooks and pens and learning about anything really. Most of all, I miss that big fat A I used to get on most of my assignments and tests. I loved working hard, getting that positive reinforcement, and just feeling smart. That is one aspect of motherhood that I find challenging. There is never that "job well done" feeling equivalent to getting that A. The kids never look at me and say, "wow mom, I think I'll give you an A on that diaper change today." I'm a carrot-chaser as my friend put it. Where's my carrot these days? Everyday, I wonder if I'm doing a good job raising these kids. Are they going to be good people? Make good choices? Am I playing with them enough? Giving them enough independent time? creative time? Who knows. I don't get a mommy report card. I really wish I did sometimes! I'm sure that when they get older, they will blame me for everything that is wrong in their lives. It would be nice to know along the way what I should be doing differently. Even in the work world, I find the lack of positive reinforcement discouraging. I never feel like I am meeting expectations or performing at my best. I always felt this way when I was doing school work, but was reassured when I got that freaking A. Not now! Anyhow, that's what I'm thinking about tonight. I want a gold star so I know I'm doing a good job with these kids and with what I'm focusing on right now. That will never happen now that I'm an adult I guess. Maybe I should go back to school.